Vajra Sword

Song of The Day: Supreme People / Blackalicious Word of The Day: Cruciation / torment or torture While on tour in Europe the last few weeks i encountered what feels like a new "voice" in the Big Mind process (new to me, anyway). Big Mind, for those of you who aren't familiar, is a method used by my teacher Genpo Roshi in which the practitioner dialogues with various aspects of self. The Protector, Controller, Skeptic, Vulnerable Child, Seeker, Master, Big Mind, Big Heart, etc. There are an endless number of possible voices, but there tend to be a few dozen which are nearly universal, standard features in the landscape of the human condition. While on tour in the UK, I started to feel lonely on the train from Totnes to London. Mainly because I knew my daughter's third birthday was coming up soon, and I would be away on tour on that special day. Without a doubt the hardest part of touring is being away from Ara. I can take -even celebrate- everything else. I love to travel, love my job. Its just brutal being away from my daughter. So, I was feeling the ache that always arises in my belly when I'm away from her for more than a day or two, and I was very surprised to hear from a new voice in response to it. Voice: Stop being such a fucking PUSSY. Me: What? Stop being such an enfeebled victimized loser. Are we an Agent in the Mystery or not? What sort of question is that? Thanks for the comfort and compassion. You don't need anymore comfort and compassion. You need to suck it up and fucking do whatever it takes to push through. You've gotten soft, you know that? Who am I speaking to? Vajra Sword. What is your role? To cut through all this pathetic luxuriating in self-pity. Fucking get over it. The Mystery does not owe you anything, OK? Your job is to shut the fuck up and show up, make yourself available. You are not here to be comforted, consoled, taken care of. You are not ENTITLED to ANYTHING. Period. So stop fucking whining like a little baby about how you miss your daughter, about how lonely you get, about how hard it is in one way or another. The Mystery does not give a shit. It is not relevent. A functional agent in the Mystery does not get distracted by the inevitable, all-pervasive White Noise that abides in all locations at all times. It is a noisy, painful Kosmos, OK? All agents are aware of that. It is the ambient climate which we operate in. It is not personal. It is not a problem. Your reaction, your interpretation of pain, of struggle, your insistance on creating a narrative that personalizes and appropriates the pain, THAT is a problem. You sound kind of like Masculine Compassion. Yes and no. I'm not here to comfort you, I'm not here to show you compassion. I cut through, that's all. And frankly I'm more interested in increasing your ability to function in Pain that I am in diminishing your pain, or relieving your suffering. And I don't need to feel your pain, to know your suffering. So, I'm not really compassionate, and as an Agent, you need to be able to be in more pain, more suffering, than you do need to relieve it. Start by understanding this: There is NEVER going to be a time when you will be free of pain. Even when though you're Free, Awake, whwatever you want to call it, that will actually increase your experience of pain. Because it will increase your intimacy with all beings. You think you miss your daughter? That's hard for you? How about when you're in constant contact with the broken heart of every sentient being in the World? How about when ever stranger, each anonymous person's pain becomes your own? But let's skip past that. Cut to the chase. The "point" of spirituality -a word i have to come to fucking hate- has nothing to do with you. Spirituality is not about you getting above anything, beyond anything. It's not about you acquiring some new fancy set of skills, some relief, or even being able to relieve other's pain. You Anthropomorphic FUCK. Spirituality is not a human possession, and by that i mean it is not merely a HUMAN province. The human condition? Waking up, compassion? Anthropomorphic. If you were to stop for a fucking second and grasp the crushing brevity, the fleeting vapor that is the entire "human condition", you would have a tiny, tiny taste of awakening, which is UNRECOGNIZABLE from any merely human or anthropomorphic perspective. And i TIRE, i lament the persistent, habituated reflex of all you fucking bipeds continually appropriating ¿What as though you can conceive it, apprehend it, meld with it, from any fucking point in the ape-man odyssey that you so mistakenly extol. You -humans- are a whispy experiment. Do you have any clue how many -the variety, the depth, the myriad forms- of sentient beings there are in the Kosmos? No, because you are LITERALLY constitutionally incapable of such imagination, much less engagement. You are lucky we let you play with us at all, you are lucky to be in the Game of Being (The Mystery) in any capacity. You have no idea how easily and quickly you will be dispensed with in the scheme of ¿What unfolds. And yet, I hear you -and your types, the "spiritual" crowd of supposed practitioners- whine, bitch, and moan like the spoiled fucking snots you are and have always been. Whenever the slightest disturbance arises in the field of your diminutive, compressed awareness arises, it's "STOP THE FUCKING TRAIN, i wanna get OFF, this is HARD" wah wah wah!!!! There are two categories. #1, the Somnambulant Berzerkers. They're asleep, they're walking around in a stupor, creating lots of messes, but they can't help it. They are basically deaf, dumb, and blind, and they are not possessed of the consciosness to take the Vow, to assume the responsibility of a Bodhisattva, or Mystic, or any such. Most humans, most spiritual seekers and practitioners fall into this category. Unteachable. But also, not culpable. They're not "here" yet, and are absolved until they are. #2, Agents in the Mystery. Don't get excited. #2 Group just means you're possessed of the modicum of awareness whereby you can at least, of full volition, take the vow, and participate in the Game of Being, the Mystery. However, if you do so, YOU FORFEIT all rights to bitch, whine, complain, and grieve the attendant bruises and wounds. You fucking pussy. Shut the fuck up. You miss your daughter? Someone you love died? Are you poor, are you lonely, are you hungry, have you been used, tricked, abused, disenchanted, manipulated? GOOD. You're in the Game of Being. It's SUPPOSED to be that way. See, the Game is not here to accomodate you. It is not here to provide you with ANYTHING, period. "You" -the relative self- will play for a while, then be deleted, unceremoniously, and without delay, and the Game (which the Real You created, sustains, and adores) will continue without a hitch. And it will continue to be brutal, blissful, cruel, redeeming, ineffable, paradoxical, and Perfectly Fucked Up Beyond All Conceivable Measure. You have no idea what is going on. You never will. Which is fine, you don't need to. You are BARELY participating. You are SCARCELY even in the Game. That's fine, nothing more is expected of a Homo Homo Sapiens (the most ironic name in the canon of sentient beings, you arrogant fucking monkeys). But listen, SHUT THE FUCK UP with your whiny shit. We are not here for YOU. Your precious little story is of no consequence. You RISE UP and GROW OUT in every direction to accomodate the Mystery, it does not SHRINK into you, it does not compress itself in order to fit into that thimble you call a soul. Not once you're in category #2. No more excuses, no more complaints. Shut up and stop being such a fucking pussy. The Mystery will rape you, bless you, and do whatever it needs to with you, and you will take it, or not, but either way you are a blip, and if you have any intention ¿Whating with IS, you will willlingly, readily enter into every moment, every chamber in the labyrinth without a thought that things should be any other way. The Mystery is not here to accomodate you. Wake up and die right (now).